Introduction to Lantern and Stave

Welcome to introduction to Lantern and Stave!

As I sit in the funeral home, I can’t help but think that we are at this again. It’s been a while since we last saw each other and here we are at another funeral. Another gathering under unfortunate circumstances.

As I watch those around me, I see the hurt, the pain, the loss. I also notice that in the hurt there is also a sense of numbness, after all it has almost become habit to expect to go to another funeral. We mingle, catch up and try to take our minds off of it but naturally the topic of being at too many funerals comes up. The pain, the hurt inside is expressed. It reminds me of a time, long ago back in my late teens that we had a few years of non stop funerals. It was the reason that I got into grief and bereavement counselling in the first place. But this time it is different. Back then, I had never seen anything like it and from the reactions of those older than me, it was something that they hadn’t experienced in a long time. Also, those we lost were mainly older or sick. We were expecting it and prepared ourselves. There were a few young deaths and those ones were particularity heartbreaking. During that time even with all the loss, death wasn’t surrounding us. Life was happy, bright, and hopeful. Thankfully the series of deaths didn’t last long.

The past several years have been different. Not only has there been a series of deaths in my life but everyone I know is also going through the same thing. There seems to be an endless dark cloud. The deaths seem to be different too. No longer are the deaths of mostly the older or sick. But now it also includes those who suddenly gotten sick out of nowhere and/or suddenly died without an explanation. The number of young individuals passing away has also increased. There used to be a sense of consistency to those who passed away, almost as if the grim reaper had a list. It also felt like there was hope for those who were sick. Perhaps, even an opportunity to gain a second chance and cheat death by defeating him at a game of battleship. Now death seems to surround us, disregarding any rules, just taking everyone. It creates a sense of despair, hopelessness and eventually numbness. The inevitable is felt. You look around to the older generations but they seem even more afraid. This was not something we saw with the previous generations.

Over the years there has been an increased sense of loneliness, and lack of support. At the same time we are busier than ever and overwhelmed. In my opinion this has resulted in a widespread burnout that has became more evident during the lockdowns and still is unresolved. Coupled with the seemingly increased number of deaths and you have many people that feel broken. At the funerals I keep hearing that it’s good to see each other. There is a renewed sense of appreciation and togetherness. You can see that people miss each other’s company, despite the location.

Our world has been turned upside down and we don’t know where to lean on for stabilization. I hear too often the feeling that all hope is lost. That we should just accept and learn to deal with this new normal. In all the grief and disillusionment, there is hope. People are not willing to accept this new normal, we want things to go back but no one knows how. Myself included. The one thing that I do know is that we need to be there again for each other, to support each other, to care, to be compassionate and to have understanding. Even though we can’t control death, we can control how we deal with it. In my opinion we should first identify the issues and not only the primary issue of death but also secondary issues such as loneliness, lack of support etc. This will help to get you on the path of coping. We should give ourselves grace, give ourselves time to digest it all. But we should also be there for each other too. I truly believe that dealing with issues together will make the path to healing much easier and strengthen us. Together we can still restore the light to see through the darkness. Welcome to Lantern and Stave. I’m glad your here.