The Five Stages of Grief

This theory was first developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969. It’s first name was ‘The five stages of death’. Since then it has been known by various names and the details of this theory have also changed. Kubler-Ross believed that individuals go through the following five stages of death as a way to come to terms with their own death. Later on it was changed to apply to anyone that is going through grief.

First Stage: Denial and Isolation

In this stage, the individual believes that it is a mistake and may cling to false reality. The world can start to seem meaningless, overwhelming and make no sense. The individual is in a state of shock, denial and can go numb. There may be isolation and avoidance in order to not face reality. As the person accepts reality of the loss and they are unknowingly beginning the healing process. The denial begins to fade.

Second Stage: Anger

In this stage, the individual becomes angry and frustrated when they realize that denial can’t continue. As feelings surface, the more a person can feel angry and start asking questions such as ‘why me?’ ‘why is this happening?’ ‘ Where is God?’ ‘Who is to blame?’ Part of the healing process is to let out the feelings and for others around not to take it personally.

Third Stage: Bargaining

In this stage, the individual tries to bargain or negotiate. There is a sense of hope and they may seek for a compromise. The individual may also feel guilty and wants to bargain for a better outcome. Some examples are, ‘if I could trade my life for theirs’, ‘I will be a better person if they survive’. There are also the ‘only if’ wishing that they could have done things differently.

Four Stage: Depression

In this stage, the individual despairs at the recognition of death. Feelings of emptiness, withdraw and intense sadness. There could also be a sense of lost hope. Some examples, ‘what is the point of going on?’ ‘why bother with anything?’

Fifth Stage: Acceptance

In this stage, the individual final accepts the outcome and embraces mortality. They may not like their new reality but they have come to terms with it. They try to start living in their new world with their loved one gone. Their lives have been changed forever and they try to readjust.